In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered and the sentence within the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language is necessary for a Band 7
  • Tips on how to smoothly link ideas

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased young adults than old people. Even this fact could have both benefits and drawbacks, In my experience the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated than the young one, that is being why they have had additional time to review a professional career during their lives. For instance, to become a professional physician it really is needed at the very least a decade of university studies and this may not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a lot in life plus they may be much more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have higher level of crime, this might be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report from the University of Chile showed that when you look at the south of Chile, where the population is certainly caused by young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than in the north where almost all of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This may be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to your workplace more and maintain them-self more active. Adding to the fact healthy people could work more proficiently, using this they could play a role in the economy regarding the country, earning money instead of spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of cash in health with their old citizens. Another positive element of having young adult populations is there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old individuals to practice and be an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there is no right time and energy to start a hobby career. And last but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be because they are more proactive in organize those activities and also prone to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. Despite the fact that, there are numerous positive areas of pay to write papers having an adult population
that individuals must look into.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more young people than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of getting a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin with by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Make an effort to vary your use of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to too little professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this really is being why LR2 that is( they usually have had more time to study a specialist career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become an expert physician it is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and additionally they may become more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A report from the University of Chile (TR5) showed that in the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than in the north where most of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to incorporate an illustration to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit from the informal side, but lovely natural use of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – in addition to noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they have less old age-associated illness leading them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, using this they can subscribe to the economy associated with the country, making money in the place of spending (GR4) . For instance, it’s true that old societies fork out a lot of money in health for their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive element of having young adult populations is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old individuals to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer most of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time to start a hobby career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This may be because they are more proactive in organize those activities and also prone to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

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